MOBY! Fresh from winning his 'Outstanding Achievement' Dancestar award, Moby chats to Elle J Small about far more pressing issues... like monkeys, bum hair and Miss Piggy What are you doing right now? "I'm in Las Vegas. It's kinda disgusting. I mean it's really entertaining in its disgustingness, but the seedy glamour of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin has completely disappeared. Now it's just really overweight Americans standing in line at the buffet and putting their hard-earned savings into slot machines." You started your career as a Christian, vegan tea-totaller. How would you like to end it? "I'm still a vegan and I'm still a sort of Christian. I don't think of myself as a Christian in the conventional sense of the word, but on a personal, spiritual level that's still what my belief is. Tea-totaller? Well I like tea, but I also like drinking alcohol... I'd like to be someone who's known as very open-minded and tolerant." We think you're a bit of a dark horse. What's the most rock n roll thing you've ever done? "Honestly? ...It's safe to say I've had a really experimental past. Whenever I open up Q magazine and read about debaucheries rock 'n roll behaviour that other people get up to, rarely do I hear about anything that even comes close to the things I've done in the past. I'm bragging, but I'm gonna keep it to myself." Are they sexual things? "Anything you can imagine, yeah." Anything? "Pretty much. If you're gonna be open-minded and experiment then you might as well take it to extremes." Orgies? "Yeah, but I'm not gonna go into detail." Which character in Sesame Street do you most associate with? "Bert. Which is Ernie and which is Bert? The smaller, fatter one." If you were Bert would you go out with Miss Piggy? "Erm, Miss Piggy isn't on Sesame Street, she's on the Muppet Show." Yeah, but they're all mates of Kermit. Do you fancy any puppets? "Erm, I can't think of too many puppets that have turned me on... There are celebrities I've had crushes on... right now I've got a big crush on Patricia Arquette." If we went round yours for dinner what would you cook? "I'm not much of a cook, but I have a restaurant in New York called Teany. One of the great things about owning a restaurant is that you can get other people to cook for you and bask in their reflective glory. It's essentially vegetarian food for people that don't like vegetarian food; it's tasty. But if you came over I'd make some pasta. I have erb gardens on my roof, so I'd probably make a nice tomato sauce with fresh erbs, red wine and some kalamata olives." Got any smelly pets? "No, not at present. When I settle down a little bit more it would be lovely to have a wife and dogs and children. I'd love to have a little farm with dogs, cats, chickens, lamas, sheep and pigs; everything running around. Hopefully not killing one another." If you were an animal what would you be? "A friendly mutt that you get at the dog pound. Not particularly fancy, not particularly attractive, but relatively good natured and fairly playful." What's the most embarrassing tune on your iPod? "Embarrassing? That's half of my music collection. I have Rod Stuarts greatest hits on my iPod. To be honest with you I think it's fantastic; I'm not embarrassed of it. It has 'Do You Think I'm Sexy' on it." Is it Rod Stuart's hair that you're attracted to? "I just love good daytime radio, classic pop songs, whether it's Rod Stuart or Spandau Ballet." Would you call yourself a New York socialite? "I think the term 'social whore' would probably be more appropriate. When I'm home in New York I work hard but I do tend to go out an awful lot. I go everywhere from dingy dive bars to discos to dinner parties at politicians' houses to very fancy charity events." You like rats don't you? "I was pet-sitting a friend of mines rat for a while and I was amazed because the rat, Captain Nipper was really sweet. She was clean and social and gentle. Rats are amazing creatures but they have such a bad reputation. They live in dirty cities, but they make their own nests and take care of their young. I do like rats." What about bats? "Bats are amazing. I used to have a house in upstate New York that had a lake and at dusk that bats would come out. They'd sweep along the surface of the lake to eat the bugs. You'd be swimming underwater and when your head came up you'd feel the bat's wind from its wings as it flew over. The first couple of times it freaks you out." Would you ever pull a stunt like Janet Jackson and pop your nipple out for publicity? "I don't think anyone would be too excited to see my breasts, so no." What about a buttock? "What about buttocks?" Would you flash one of them? "I probably have. Nudity is not such a big deal." When's the last time you made yourself laugh? "Unfortunately it's been a while. I don't find myself very funny these days. I should work on that." That's not good. Maybe you should get a buttock out? "Trust me, it's not funny. It's kinda sad." Have you ever had hair? "Oh yeah! When I first started making records in 1990, I had hair down to my shoulders and a full beard. It only lasted a little while. I had a girlfriend who loved shaved heads so I started shaving my head and I've kept shaving it ever since... I have a Phil Collins hairline." Have you got hairy buttocks? "No." Your new Voodoo Child album is called 'Baby Monkey'. What's your favourite monkey? "Spider monkeys. I did a photo shoot with a spider monkey once and I had this great rapport with it. It was really friendly and playful and affectionate. When the photo shoot was over and I had to say goodbye to the spider monkey it was like saying goodbye to an old friend." Do you think ugly spider monkeys get a raw deal in comparison to chimpanzees? "Oh yeah! Chimpanzees are nasty little creatures. They're the ones that throw shit and bite you. Spider monkeys are quiet and gentle." Do you have a message for Mixmag readers? "I'd like to thank dance fans for the award." ...and a message for monkeys? "Learn how to arm yourself and defend the rainforest." BOXOUT: MOBY FACTFILE Age: 38 Lives: New York. Moby has lived alone all of his adult life. Last thing in Moby's mouth: "A green tea soda." Hates: Cruelty to waiters and pettiness. Loves: Spider monkeys Plays guitar with: John Kerry. "In short he is everything George Bush isn't." Voodoo Child's album 'Baby Monkey' is out now on Mute. Words by Elle J Small